apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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