So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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