You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
