I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
