Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
