I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
