i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
