dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
