We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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