woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we're so committed to being not committed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
