one two three fourrrrnication!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
