I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
