I skipped work to stalk him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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