everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
