this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
