Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ttyl tear gas
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
