What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
