whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
