Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
