How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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