Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
