How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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