Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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