WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
