who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
