I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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