Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
