i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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