Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
