so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
