i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
