It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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