I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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