Someone shit on the floor
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
