i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
