Do you still have your period?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
