all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
