We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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