ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
