been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
