dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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