i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
