I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
