we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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