My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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