she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
