I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
