WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
