just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
