Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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