I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Shame - the story of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
